and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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