I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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