i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't put those talents on a resume
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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