Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
