Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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