what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
