Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
