bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mom said you looked used
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
