Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
