Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
