I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
