you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
