The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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