I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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