Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
