i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
