at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
