Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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