hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
