Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I have post one night stand depression
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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