I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ttyl tear gas
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
