I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
