You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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