my mouth tastes like poor choices
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
