so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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