It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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