Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
