Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Never joke about your clitoris.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
