I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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