Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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