Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
