i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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