We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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