First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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