Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
