so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
