I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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