Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I look better un-naked...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
