Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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