I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
