We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
