Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
