I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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