what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
