If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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