i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
