I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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