She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
