Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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