If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
