I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
