I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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