So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
