I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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