Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
