But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
