I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
