Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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