No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's get the cat blown out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
