i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
