I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
