dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
