Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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