Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
These tits shall not be calmed
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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